by Christopher Schouten
[Editor’s note: This was originally a workshop presented by the Decentering Whiteness Task Force and was recreated into a blog post by Christopher.]
In our shared journey within the United Church of Christ, we are called to foster spaces of radical hospitality, inclusion, and belonging. Yet, creating such beloved communities requires more than just welcoming words. It demands the courage and skill to address harm when it occurs, particularly when individuals or groups with marginalized identities experience bias, microaggressions, or discrimination. How do we interrupt harm effectively while aiming for understanding and constructive change?
The concepts of "calling in" and "calling out" offer valuable frameworks for navigating these challenging moments. Understanding the difference and knowing when and how to employ each approach are vital skills for anyone committed to building a more just and compassionate world, reflecting the core values and prophetic witness of the UCC. This post aims to equip you with practical knowledge and skills drawn from the work of the Decentering Whiteness Task Force of the Southwest Conference.
Defining Our Terms: Calling In vs. Calling Out
First, let's clarify what we mean by these terms:
Calling In: This involves inviting someone into a private or small-group conversation to bring attention to the harm caused by their words or actions. It's often rooted in a desire to maintain relationship, foster understanding, and encourage learning and change within a more contained, less defensive space.
Calling Out: This means bringing public attention to harmful words or behavior. It's often used when harm needs to be interrupted immediately, when power dynamics make a private conversation unsafe or ineffective, or when previous attempts to "call in" have failed.
Neither approach is inherently "better" than the other; the most effective choice depends entirely on the specific context, the individuals involved, and the desired outcome.
Why We Engage: Rooted in Faith and Justice
Our commitment to interrupting harm isn't just a social trend; it's deeply embedded in our faith and the historic witness of the United Church of Christ. Mark 7 of the "Marks of Faithful & Effective Authorized Ministers" explicitly calls us to work together for justice and mercy, drawing on Christ's ministry to confront injustice and oppression. It calls us to practice God's radical hospitality and to actively identify and work to overcome bias. Furthermore, Mark 3 emphasizes building transformative leadership skills, empowering the church to be faithful, working collaboratively with intercultural awareness, and witnessing in the public square.
From advocating for integrated education in 1965 to becoming an Open and Affirming denomination, denouncing violence against LGBTQ+ individuals, calling for racial justice and anti-racism work, affirming the dignity of immigrants, and developing proposals for reparations, the UCC has consistently, through General Synod resolutions, strived to live into its call for justice. Calling in and calling out are practical ways we live out these commitments in our daily interactions.
Discerning the Path: When to Call In vs. Call Out
Choosing between calling in and calling out requires thoughtful discernment. Here are key factors to consider:
Consider "Calling In" When:
You Have Influence: Do you have a relationship (personal or professional) that might make the person more receptive to a private conversation?
Safety Allows: You feel reasonably safe engaging in a one-on-one or small group discussion without compromising your emotional or physical well-being.
There's Perceived Openness: The person has previously shown some willingness to learn or their intent seems misaligned with their impact (perhaps their "heart is in the right place" despite the harmful outcome).
Consider "Calling Out" When:
Urgency is High: Harm is happening now and needs immediate interruption to prevent further damage or to make it clear you don't condone the behavior.
Calling In is Unsafe/Ineffective: Power dynamics (e.g., speaking to a supervisor, facing a group dynamic) make a private approach risky or unlikely to succeed.
Previous Attempts Failed: You or others have tried "calling in" before without any discernible change or acknowledgment.
How to Engage: Practical Skills and Phrases
Once you've decided on an approach, how you engage matters immensely.
Tips for "Calling In":
Lead with Curiosity: Assume you don't have the full picture. Ask open-ended questions.
"I'm curious. What was your intention when you said/did that?"
"Can you help me understand where you're coming from?"
Focus on Impact: Gently guide the person to see how their words/actions landed, regardless of intent.
"How might the impact of your words differ from your intent?"
"I need you to know how that comment landed on me." (Can be used for calling in or out)
Use "I" Statements: Express your own feelings and perspectives without assigning blame.
"When I heard _____, I felt..."
Be Specific: Avoid generalizations. Point to the exact words or behaviors that caused harm.
Listen Actively: Be genuinely willing to hear their perspective, even if you disagree.
Tips for "Calling Out":
Be Clear and Direct: State the issue plainly and set clear boundaries.
"That language is not acceptable here."
"I need to push back against that statement."
Focus on Behavior, Not Character: Address the specific action or words, not the person's inherent worth.
"Making jokes like that perpetuates harmful stereotypes." (vs. "You're racist.")
Prioritize Safety: Your well-being comes first. If the situation feels unsafe, disengage.
State Your Values: Connect the behavior to shared community values.
"That’s not our culture here. Those aren’t our values."
"In this community, we strive to respect everyone's identity."
Question Assumptions: Challenge underlying biases directly.
"It sounds like you’re making some assumptions that we need to unpack."
"Tell me why you think that's funny?"
Be Prepared for Resistance: Calling out often elicits defensiveness. Stay grounded in your purpose.
Receiving the Call: Responding with Grace and Accountability
Perhaps the most challenging aspect is learning how to respond when we are the ones being called in or out. It's natural to feel defensive, embarrassed, or misunderstood. However, these moments are crucial opportunities for growth.
What to Do When Called In/Out:
Pause & Breathe: Resist the immediate urge to react defensively. Ground yourself.
Listen to Learn: Try to understand the impact of your words/actions from their perspective, even if it differs from your intent. Remember Robin Diangelo's guideline: feedback is valuable regardless of delivery; receiving it, especially for those with privilege, builds essential racial stamina.
Acknowledge & Take Responsibility: Validate their experience and acknowledge the harm caused. Avoid justifications. A simple "Thank you for telling me. I hear you, and I understand how what I said/did was harmful" can go a long way.
Reflect: Process the feedback later. What can you learn? What biases might be at play?
Repair & Change: Apologize sincerely if appropriate, and commit to changing your behavior moving forward. This is the core of accountability.
What NOT to Do:
Avoid Defensiveness/Justification: Don't explain away your intent ("I didn't mean it like that!"). Focus on the impact.
Don't Make Them Your Caretaker: Don't demand excessive emotional labor from the person who called you out/in to make you feel better.
Distinguish Guilt from Shame: Guilt relates to behavior ("I did something bad") and can motivate change. Shame relates to self ("I am bad") and often leads to paralysis. Focus on addressing the behavior (guilt) rather than spiraling into shame. Naming shame can lessen its power.
Remember the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Striving for these in difficult conversations helps us navigate toward reconciliation.
Moving Forward Together
Developing the skills to call in and call out effectively, and to respond with grace when we are called upon, is essential work for building the inclusive, just communities we envision. It requires courage, empathy, practice, and a commitment to lifelong learning. Let us commit to speaking our truths bravely, listening for understanding, acknowledging impact over intent, and embracing the discomfort that often accompanies growth, trusting that through this work, we are truly building bridges toward God's beloved community.
This article shares insights from the Decentering Whiteness Task Force of the Southwest Conference, based on a workshop they presented at the 2025 Annual Meeting in Albuquerque. The Task Force is eager to make this vital information more widely available. If your church or organization is interested in experiencing the full 90-minute interactive workshop on "Calling In & Calling Out," please reach out to the team at racialjusticeteam@uccswc.org. They would be happy to discuss possibilities for visiting your church or training members of your community to facilitate this important conversation.